APJGcom082809
Here's one from Left Field
It sometimes seems as if half of America is busy getting sanded, nipped,
tucked, waxed, lifted, shaved, and having their hair extended or their scalps
plugged. Not saying that I am on great terms with my mirror, but I'd rather
eat fried monkey balls and sweetbrains three times a day than go under the knife.
Were I the type to wander the streets in a sandwich board, here's how it would
read. "Do not saw, chisel, hammer, staple, sand, Crazy Glue, or plane!"
Allowing
someone to shoot poison in my face is something I will consider when there
is a skating rink on the sun and the Kansas City Royals win the pennant.
Did I just hit a foul? If you think I know diddly-squat about baseball,
you are definitely in the ball park. Oh, I understand some of the lingo.
Got these three pat: 3-strikes-yer-out, ayeeeeiiiiyiyi, and run-you-son-of-a-
goatsucker, he's almost to first. I can't imagine not seeing the beauty in a
great catch or perfectly skewed pitch. 'See, what else do I know? Bases
loaded, check. Tagged, check. Knuckle ball, can I guess? Not a big sports fan,
no. But when the sky is blue, the air feels like silk, and fans are dropping
their beers and hotdogs in their excitement, I am down with the appeal.
(Did I mention hunks and the power of a uniform? Probably not. I never
notice what players look like. When they walk away, I don't even see their
cute butts.. Do not! Do not! Do. . )
Can't remember why I started to write this. Maybe a snack and a nap will help.
I'm back! It is wonderful what a couple week's rest and a few packages of
double-iced Oreo's and chips can do.
Now I remember. I wrote the "sanded. . .plugged" bit as a lead-in to an
announcement that my site is going to have plastic surgery. I am hoping
that some of you will make suggestions that I can pass along to the surgeon.
Be nice, now. Doc is a little sensitive. [She prefers to remain anonymous.
Something about being accused of malpractice the last time she operated.]
Just going to take off a bit here, bit there. Maybe add a new skin. New
body parts to get her moving, maybe. Not so much a matter of looks as it
is. . .I dunno. I need to think. On the couch. I need to think on
the couch. Lying down. Where did I put the remote? Anyone know?
Where was I? Oh, yes. The surgery will only take a week, Doc says. [Where
have I heard that?]. In the meantime, be sure and check these out:
Provocative Commentary by Don Williams
The wise and witty -- and gorgeously written --
poetry of North Carolina's Sara Claytor
More treats in store in poet-editor-essayist--photographer
Katherine Tracy's, L'Intrigue. Kat's a New Orleans gal. Gonna love her.
Wish "Doc" good game! I. . .er, ah, I mean she, is going to need it!!
WHAT {else?}TO DO DURING INTERMISSION:::::>
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